FANFICTION: How To Erase 'Star Trek: Picard'

How To Erase 'Star Trek: Picard'.
by Alan Morton.

Captain: "Stardate blar blar blar, meaningless numbers.
Un route to Galfrean 4 with the Romulan ambassador Fhqwhgads, our Bridge finds itself compromised by the sudden strange presence of a man in a back suit. He has taken the liberty to somehow change the bridge to look like a funeral parlour, including ourselves to wear black attire, suitable for such occasions….."

Man: *floundering around* "Ohhhhh woah is I on such a monumentally tragic day!"
Captain: *look of horror at this black dressed figure. "What is the meaning of this? Who or what are you? What have you done with my ship?"
Man: *looks around* "You must be the captain, I presume?"
Captain: "Yes. Now change this, and us, back to how it was immediately".
Man: "Oh, well you don't look very much like a captain to me".
Number 1: "What is the meaning of this? Are you from the race known as the 'Q'?"
Q: "Very clever. Sharp. Intelligent. Now you should be the captain of this starship, wouldn't you agree, captain?"
Captain: "The Q? Right. Right. The federation has not had a run in with the entity known as the Q for a few decades now".
Q: "Oh quite the contrary mon ami. You lesser species are frequented by us more than you realise. Why, just now I have come from the funeral of Jean Luc Picard. So tragic. So very sad". *starts sobbing again*
Number 1: "Jean- Admiral Picard is dead?"
Q: "Oh why yes! The once famous captain of The Enterprise has passed on to the other side..." *Hand gestures into the air*
Ensign: "Captain? Sir?"
Q: "Well not one from this Enterprise, obviously, little girl. The one from 20 odd years ago. Oh, what jolly times we had. Such sweet memories".
Captain: "And, this is why you feel it appropriate to see how the current Enterprise and its crew is doing?"
Q: "In a way, yes. My trip down memory lane made me acutely interested in the most recent iteration to bear the name". *Changes the ship and crew back to normal with a snap of his fingers* "However this vessel is by no means as impressive or aesthetically pleasing. What's with all the grey?" *changes the bridge to look more colourful and less dark* "Now this is much better.."
Captain: "Is this all a game to you?"
Number 1: *playing along* "Oh I believe the ship holds up pretty well to your, expectations, Q". "This is after all the most advanced starship in the quadrant".
Q: "Oh really? I'll have you know there is no such thing! I watched with delight the downfall of your, Federation. It was all very, very, amusing to me really. Brought down by the Romulans, including a certain individual standing on this very Bridge, no less". *pans over to the Romulan ambassador*
Fhqwhgads: "Me?! This is absurd. Captain this is a mockery and an outrage on my people and the current state of affairs!".
Q: "Oh but it's true! You and your fleet were smarter, quicker, and outgunned the squabbling feeble Federation, sending them to their knees and their ultimate demise. It was such a sight to behold! Oh the joy it brought me! To be proven right that you humans are all nothing but a savage race was such sweet sorrow". *Becomes distant in thought*
Captain: *looks to Number 1 in confusion*
Q: "...of course after reviling in merriment for a few millennia, I got bored. Tired. I missed the fun and excitement of days gone by. Oh I thought long and hard, agonising over my loss and the constant feeling of nothingness, but eventually I decided to rectify the situation by changing the past. It was all I could do to feel whole, myself, again". *Stares into space*
Security chief: "Captain, permission to deal with our Intruder!" *takes out phaser*
Captain: "No!" *Looks to Q cautiously* "Changing the past? Does the Q Continuum even have such powers?"
Q: "You really don't know much about us do you? Yes, I realised your demise as a species started with an ill timed supernova in Romulan space. I simply went back and stabilised the star. Very simple. It allowed me to once again watch my flock of humans flounder around space, struggling once again to justify their fragile existence". *smug faced*
Number 1: "And? Are you satisfied with our progress?"
Q: "Oh, there is no question that you are a savage race, but I admit I do find you all very amusing. I think I will, pop in again sometime. I need to go continue my mourning and visit some more places that remind me of the recently deceased. Until next time. Ta Ta!". *Snaps fingers, and disappears*
Number 1: "Well, I'm glad that's over".
Security chief: "But sir, what about the state of the Bridge?"
Captain: "Q! I know you are still there! Change this mockery back to how it was immediately! Q!.... Q!".